Visitors

The angels left a few days ago and i just worked up enough energy to write this.
Samandiriel pisses me off. If he joins our side, I don't know what I'm going to do.
I'm thinking murder, but I'm not sure if you can even murder an angel.  Maybe I can get Judas to help me.
I hate Sam's stupid imagination.  I think he really just wanted to try and convert us.
But i don't think The Big Guy enjoys him that much either- to much thinking.  And after all, imagination is a sin isn't it?
yeah.  I guess it is.
After all, i'm full of imagination right now.  Of how to get rid of Sam and how to fix the hole that is still in our kitchen.
Maybe i'll get Sam to fix the hole, then I'll push him through it and leave him forever stranded in Its A Small Small World.

I like that one.
I wonder what my dear old brother will think of this.  Or my mother.
We'll see.
~Apollyon

Day before Moping Day

Lucifer is cleaning Gehenna today.  He's put some insulation foam in the hole in our kitchen.  For some reason carpenters don't want to come here.
Judas is on his way over here now to "celebrate" moping day with us.  Although its not much of a celebration.  Basically, we all sit around and do nothing except mope about the birth of our enemy's son.
I don't understand the big hype about it anyway.  Immaculate conception.  Whatever.  I say that Mary just got knocked up with someone that wasn't Joseph but she wanted to keep what little dignity she had, so she lied about it.  That, right there, is the basis for the entire Christian community. Of course, then God had to go and actually choose Jesus as his right-hand man, but that had to be just pure good luck for Mary.

It makes me laugh.  I'm stuck doing paperwork now anyway, while Lucifer cleans.
There is one bonus I have for moping day.  All the citizens of hell vote on someone who looks like Jesus, and then we dress him up like Jesus and throw him into the Hellfire©.
Its not real revenge, but its close enough to be satisfactory.

Interview With Judas

            Here is an account of an interview I conducted between myself and Judas, the “Betrayer” in the whole crucifixion act. He is a personal friend of mine, and I wanted to make his position on the whole thing clear to the world.

o   Lucifer: So Judas, how did it feel to get the privilege of assisting the great JC in his final performance for the world?

o   Judas: Man, I’m just glad I didn’t have to do anything stupid like Peter, with that whole “denial” thing. Even he was a bit embarrassed about that. Also, it was nice to be able to finally acknowledge my true alliance, with you and Apollyon.

o   L: So what you’re saying is that you were really on our side the whole time, sort of like a spy behind enemy lines?

o   J: Yeah, although the way John wrote it in his gospel, he makes it sound like Jesus ordered me to go play my part, and suddenly I was on your side.

o   L: But that’s not really how it happened?

o   J: No, I was definitely waiting for my chance to betray him all the time. I found a few other nice opportunities, but when he told me to go off, I knew I was busted, and I figured that would be the best time out of any to betray him anyways, so I went ahead and did it.

o   L: Do you think any of the other disciples knew you were not on their side before the final dinner?

o   J: Hah, no way. They were all too goody-two-shoes to imagine that one of their own was a bad apple. Jesus figured it out, of course, but he took his own sweet time about it. What was really funny was that even when JC pointed me out during the dinner by giving me the “dipped morsel,” the other disciples still didn’t get it! They just sat around looking confused.

o   L: That’s hilarious! Well, thanks for sharing your side of the story. You are helping a great cause, fighting the war of attrition on the side of the devil.

o   J: It’s been my pleasure.

--Lucifer

A Letter from a Dear Old Friend

We got a letter from one of our dear old friends yesterday.  I find it amusing.  So I am positing it here.

Enjoy!  Or don't. I don't really care either way.

Apollyon and Lucifer,

My dear old friends, how is it in the upper levels?  I realize that what I did constitutes torture, but I’d like to see you two sometimes, alright?  After all, I think you owe me some attention.  After all, it was you that led me to my fall, wasn’t it?

Anyway, how about I get right to why I’m writing this letter, okay?

Oh Lazarus, I remember him.  Well, actually, I don’t.  But I was there when Jesus raised him, anyway.  Mary and Martha, Lazarus’s sisters basically begged Jesus to save their brother.  It was quite pitiful.  Jesus himself wept over Lazarus’s death.  I never understood crying.  IT was only ever a sign of weakness in my view.  But something did touch me that day, and I wondered if I was doing the right thing.  But you were in my head Lucifer, you had taken me in.  I was doing your word.  This is why you owe me some visits every once in a while.

Then Jesus went to Lazarus’s grave and called out to His Father, and then commanded Lazarus to rise.  There was silence, and then Lazarus walked out covered in burial rags.

   I did not know that he had been so close to entering hell.  To think that if I had somehow stalled Jesus for even another moment, Lazarus could be sitting with me at this moment, drinking some scalding coffee and watching the hell fire below us.  It makes me bitter, because I am so alone down here.  It is almost like solitary confinement.  Then again, those blasted Pharisees are here, and so is Pontis Pilate, but they’re not very good company.  Pilate sings in the shower, and he doesn’t sing well.  I’m getting nightmares.  They sit down her in their private quarters still praying to their god for forgiveness and to get them out of this place.  But I’ve read the signs, and this blog.  Heaven is as far away as “Forget About it” remember?  Internet is what’s keeping me going to be honest.

As a little wrap up: visit me!  You’re responsible for bringing me down here, considering that it was you that made me betray Jesus.  So visit every once in a while, okay?  Lucifer, try and be interesting when you come.  Apollyon, if you destroy my house I am going to get very angry.

               Hoping to see you soon, and bring some water will you?

~Judas