Pardon my language, but

Suck it Apollyon. In making the post-number bet with me you made one very large, very grave mistake. You made the mistake of thinking that I care about my name.

I don't.

Many people seem to make a very large deal of having an embarrassing name. I do not. My mother may have always wanted a female child, and she may have given me a very feminine first name, but if anyone dares comment on it, I can easily put them in a room full of crying babies for all of eternity, fill their lungs with maggots, and stick them full of rusty steak knives that shove in deeper with every move they make.

So, without further ado, as per the conditions of our bet, dear brother, I announce my true first name to the world:

Felicity.

--Felicity Lucifer Abbadon

Suck it bro.

I feel compelled to say that I am winning.

Yes, me.

Apollyon Dracul Abaddon is winning.
For once in my effing life I am winning.
YES
Want to know why I am winning?
I have 19 posts to your wimpy 11.

I can see your face now: your Apollyon-is-so-stupid-why-does-he-waste-his-energy-on-something-so-pointless look.
Well, shut up bro.
I don't need that right now.
Dear Mother is coming over tomorrow.
I am dead.
If I have to spend one minute being chided about my goatee I am going to punch an even bigger hole into our kitchen wall.  And you know what that means: "Its a small world after all, its a small world after all, its a small world after all, its a small, small, world!" mwahahahahaha.  Said hole will never be fixed.
For I will send all of the carpenters you call down to the Hellfire©


Yes, that is a threat.
Keep. Her. Away. From. Me.
She loves you after all and I am just the derpy tag along who gets left in amusement parks.
So, if you want to keep what's left of your sanity, keep dear mother away from me.

I'll say hi, and that's it.

heh.

I bet you all were so sad that there were no new posts from the devil brothers, eh?
Well, too bad.
the devils' got his own schedule to deal with, let alone managing this blog.
Its a whole lot more effing difficult than I'd expected.
Boo.

Anywho.
What to say, what to say.

Oh, right.
Well, Lucifer finally managed to patch the whole in the wall between our kitchen and the "Its a Small World" level.

~Apollyon
So no more soundtracks for our meals.
I was sort of beginning to enjoy it.  Actually, I was enjoying the look on Lucifer's face every time he walked into the kitchen.  The complete loss of sanity in his eyes.
Mwahahahaha.
In case you cant tell, my brother and I don't really get along.
Oh, and dear mumzy is coming to visit next week.

Shoot me now.
Oh wait, that wont help.
I'm already in hell.
Damn.

Maybe I should just through myself into the Hellfire© and call it good.

Visitors

The angels left a few days ago and i just worked up enough energy to write this.
Samandiriel pisses me off. If he joins our side, I don't know what I'm going to do.
I'm thinking murder, but I'm not sure if you can even murder an angel.  Maybe I can get Judas to help me.
I hate Sam's stupid imagination.  I think he really just wanted to try and convert us.
But i don't think The Big Guy enjoys him that much either- to much thinking.  And after all, imagination is a sin isn't it?
yeah.  I guess it is.
After all, i'm full of imagination right now.  Of how to get rid of Sam and how to fix the hole that is still in our kitchen.
Maybe i'll get Sam to fix the hole, then I'll push him through it and leave him forever stranded in Its A Small Small World.

I like that one.
I wonder what my dear old brother will think of this.  Or my mother.
We'll see.
~Apollyon

Keep Talking

Just keep repeating that "better son" thing Lucifer while I'm trying not to listen.
You get such a kick out of rubbing that in, don't you?
All because mom forgot me in that amusement park when I was five.  And didn't want to come back to get me.
Thanks a lot.

I thought big brothers were supposed to be caring and supportive.  So much for that idea.

What a lovely beginning to the new year, old memories.

What a perfectly charming family I have.

Dear Mother

First of all, Apollyon and I have been experiencing a little problem with the HellFire© over the last couple of days. It has been cooler by quite a few degrees, and we have been quite unfortunately hindered in our cooking abilities as well as experiencing severe torture withdrawal, since it is no fun to throw despairing souls into moderately cool raging flames. Since you keep a habit of tending to the fire, I hope you will consider taking a look at what could be going wrong.
Second of all, we recently got an occupant whom we are not quite sure what to do with. She has lead a very sinful life, and she seems to enjoy all of the chambers that suit her level of overall horribleness. Apollyon suggested that we promote her straight to demon, and skip the probation period of one hundred years. I was hoping you could interview her and help us decide what to do with her. She is currently residing in the guest room of the Palace of Gehenna, and with your consent, I will send her to your chambers.


Many thanks from your better son,
--Lucifer

Another letter from dear old mum.

Mum sent us another letter today.  I'll post it now then, I guess.
_______________________________________________

Darlings,

I was reading your blog archive this evening, and I happened to come across the little note from one of your citizens about the crying baby room.

Dearies, I had the same question as that poor fool.  What in the world and all other dimensions did those babies do to get down there?  Mama demands that you give them too her, as she is very, very hungry and baby blood always makes her feel so young and fresh again, like a teenaged demoness.  Tell Mama what you’ve been up to, corrupting infants.

Love, Lilith

P.S.  Appie, I found some more of my good china that you broke when you were just a child.  If you don’t get me another set sometime soon, I’ll have Luci post your baby pictures.  I know you hate them.

P.P.S. I’m willing to talk about that video shoot, sweetheart!

________________________________________________

First off, I thought she'd called me apple.  And i wasn't the only one who broke the china either.  And Lucifer, if you post those baby pictures I'll fire any carpenters you hire to fix the hole in the wall.

Oh, and the videos...  Lucifer and I (well, mostly me really...) were talking to out dear mother about doing some videos for our blog posts.  Comment if you like this idea, or with things you want to hear Lilith (our mom) talking about.

And yes, our mother likes blood.  She likes to keep herself looking young, our dear demon mother.
And Lucifer, you need to answer our dear "Mama"'s question.  You corrupt the infants, not me.  And this fact, to be honest, has been confusing me for quite some time.

Goodbye to all the citizens of hell (and even those who aren't citizens).  Or should I say Badbye?  It sounds funny but it makes more sense.
~Apollyon

Hell it is... and I can't leave.

I hate cheerleaders.  And spaghetti.
Okay, I admit it.  That "Its A Small World " ride is a true hell.  Especially since I punched a hole in our kitchen wall.  I hate spaghetti and Lucifer knows that.  I was also in a bad mood.  The Cheerleader I mentioned on the 8th was a real brat.  No wonder she went to persistent PMS. It looked like it.  Anyway, she basically BSed me out when i went to see her.  And then Lucifer went and made Spaghetti for dinner.

Sorry about the hole, bro.  Get a carpenter.

On another hand: I paid a visit to Judas today.  He's getting ragged and slightly depressed.  I know its Hell and all, but I think I should give him a small break.  I know the devils aren't supposed to pity the souls down here, but Judas is my home boy.  I think I'll give him a few nights in Gehenna.

Oh, and Mom's coming over for Christmas.  I'm not really looking forward to this.  She's never really liked me much. :/

Letter From Lilith

Here's a letter from our mother, the demoness Lilith.

Dear Sweetheart,

A blog? Really, darling, I'm so proud of you, incorporating technology into your job and all, especially after that incident way back when with Alexander Graham Bell. Poor man. Ah, well.

I quite appreciate your new, hopefully fresh, outlook on that 'Bible.' I'm getting very sick of all this new religious fervor. Although it's not as bad as that "Great Awakening" it is still disgusting.

I'd like to see more. Maybe you should take some of those more popular verses and look into them. There's so much to look into. Please get back to me on what you're planning here; Mama would love to help out! Maybe get one of those demons you keep in the filing room on these internets.

I'm so excited to see you develop this blog, baby. Keep it up!

Love and Kisses,

Lilith

P.S. Luci, keep your other half under control, please. He's such a...how do you say? Spaz. That's it.

P.P.S. Mama needs some new knives, sweetie. Just a subtle hint.

--Lucifer