I was bombarded by a physics nerd today. Yes, a nerd. This was one that was in the waiting room for a few years. I know it seems silly to have a physics nerd in hell, but they can enforce a torture spectacularly. They’re currently detained in a level designed specifically for them: everything they knew in life is wrong. Gravity doesn't exist and quantum physics doesn’t work right. It’s a perfect hell for them. If they try to conduct an experiment, it always goes horribly wrong. So if you feel the need to release some energy, just grab a nerd, lock them in one of our windowless rooms and ask a question about quantum physics or a complicated chemical something or other. It’s beautiful to watch.
Unfortunately, they can be incredibly annoying, like the situation i was in this morning. I was just walking around one of the paths in hell, and a nerd was passing by on his way to somewhere. And he started talking to me. That was hell, let me tell you. I didn’t understand a thing he was talking about and yet I couldn’t get away.
It was Lucifer that saved me. He paged me and told me to hurry to the waiting room because we’ve got a busload of cheerleaders coming in.
Cheerleaders- they’re not as perfect as you think. I laugh at it, to be honest. I was talking with one of them and it turns out that a busload of fifty of them had gone shooting off a cliff because they hit a patch of black ice. Forty-five cheerleaders were standing in that waiting room, gossiping. That either means that five of them were the angels everyone thinks, or they hadn’t died. Personally, I am inclined to think the latter.
One of the girls, about seventeen years old, was watching me while I was hurrying around trying to sort the bratty girls out. When I got over to the group she was standing with, I started watching her. She seemed interesting enough. She was seventeen, and I’ve been alive since “before time”. But I’m timeless, too, and I look like I’m in my lower twenties, so who knows?
I’ll try and get her name and find where she’s going, at any rate.
Lucifer’s calling again. He says its paperwork. Yep, I live in Hell alright.