Dear Mother

First of all, Apollyon and I have been experiencing a little problem with the HellFire© over the last couple of days. It has been cooler by quite a few degrees, and we have been quite unfortunately hindered in our cooking abilities as well as experiencing severe torture withdrawal, since it is no fun to throw despairing souls into moderately cool raging flames. Since you keep a habit of tending to the fire, I hope you will consider taking a look at what could be going wrong.
Second of all, we recently got an occupant whom we are not quite sure what to do with. She has lead a very sinful life, and she seems to enjoy all of the chambers that suit her level of overall horribleness. Apollyon suggested that we promote her straight to demon, and skip the probation period of one hundred years. I was hoping you could interview her and help us decide what to do with her. She is currently residing in the guest room of the Palace of Gehenna, and with your consent, I will send her to your chambers.


Many thanks from your better son,
--Lucifer

Census Day

      Today is Census day. It’s my favorite day of the year, because I get to count how many people have joined our wonderful kingdom of sin and despair. Unfortunately, it also reminds me of how many we have lost, and sometimes just at the last minute. Like that Lazarus guy. He was totally sick and dying, and he had committed just enough sin in his life to qualify for the lowest level of eternal torture, Crying Babies. I swear, he had his left foot in the gate when suddenly that snarky little Jesus guy’s voice boomed out and called him back. Actually, first he bowed and scraped for his dad, and then he called for Lazarus to come out. Immediately, Lazarus began walking towards the exit. I knew it was a lost cause, but Apollyon thought it would be a good idea to grab onto him, and was almost dragged out into the world. I thank myself he wasn’t, or I wouldn’t have had anyone to yell at afterwards. Anyway, today we lost yet another one, but these days Jesus doesn’t talk anymore, the people are just held back from our eternal party by their own remorse and repentance. What a sad thing.

-- Lucifer

Post Moping Day

I never realized that we take Census after Moping Day.
What a wonderful way conclude it, another day of disappointment.
I think we should move Census a day earlier, get all the disappointment out of the way in a day instead of continuing it on.
This was a random idea... :/

Moping Day

Its Christmas. Today we mope.
I hate Christmas time.

Bad Wine

      Dear citizens of Hell,

      I would like to remind you that today marks the debut of our new low-level eternal torture, Bad Wine. The ceremony is at 2:00, Hell Time. There will be a few bible-burning sessions, as well as a satirical performance of the “water to wine” miracle originally performed by Jesus. Acting in it will be Beelzebub, O.J. Simpson, and a few Nazis. For those of you who do not know the acts of Jesus, he went to this wedding party and turned all their water into wine, to show off his powers and steal more subjects from my wonderful Kingdom. I hope you will join us for the fun and games! Not that you have much of a choice.

--Lucifer

Day before Moping Day

Lucifer is cleaning Gehenna today.  He's put some insulation foam in the hole in our kitchen.  For some reason carpenters don't want to come here.
Judas is on his way over here now to "celebrate" moping day with us.  Although its not much of a celebration.  Basically, we all sit around and do nothing except mope about the birth of our enemy's son.
I don't understand the big hype about it anyway.  Immaculate conception.  Whatever.  I say that Mary just got knocked up with someone that wasn't Joseph but she wanted to keep what little dignity she had, so she lied about it.  That, right there, is the basis for the entire Christian community. Of course, then God had to go and actually choose Jesus as his right-hand man, but that had to be just pure good luck for Mary.

It makes me laugh.  I'm stuck doing paperwork now anyway, while Lucifer cleans.
There is one bonus I have for moping day.  All the citizens of hell vote on someone who looks like Jesus, and then we dress him up like Jesus and throw him into the Hellfire©.
Its not real revenge, but its close enough to be satisfactory.

Letter from the Pharisees! Yeah! (Sarcasm)

So I got a letter from the Pharisees today... whoa.... deja vu much?  I feel like I'm repeating myself?  It must be that stupid "Its A Small World Ride" thats constantly playing.  We can periodically hear it in the hallways of Hell. I hadn't counted on that.  That is, I'd never counted on being tortured in my own Hell.  It is Hell though, so I'm not sure why I counted on that.
Oh, confusion, confusion.

Anyway, the letter from the Pharisees.  You probably want to read it, don't you?  So here it is.  Remember, I asked them why they didn't get along with Jesus, and they've read his letter that I posted a while ago.
_______________________________________________________________________________

Mr. Apollyon.

We’re glad that someone has finally asked this question, even if it is you.  Your brother tricked us into coming down here, but God will eventually forgive us our transgressions and we will be out.

This Jesus was deceiving all of the people.  He was telling them lies of him being the Messiah and The Son of God.  It was all lies!

He disrupted our oxen and white dove sellers and our money changers in the temple area with whips.  He said we were running a market place.  We were sustaining the temple as it was!  This was a complete overreaction. 

We arrested him because he was a danger to The Faith, to the community and even to himself.

We believe that we did right.  He was a blasphemer because he was going against the true will of God.  He was healing on the Sabbath and claiming to be Lord of the Sabbath and he had a complete disregard for Jewish Laws.  He was associating with the sinners and the tax collectors- the selfish and sinful people of the world- the dirty people.  He was forgiving them their sins and in doing so was taking away our power.  He was a renegade preacher! 

 So we know not why we are here, since we did right.  We thought we were sinless when we passed away.  But we found ourselves on the path to hell before we could turn around.

This is where we will leave our letter.

~Pharisees 

Another letter from dear old mum.

Mum sent us another letter today.  I'll post it now then, I guess.
_______________________________________________

Darlings,

I was reading your blog archive this evening, and I happened to come across the little note from one of your citizens about the crying baby room.

Dearies, I had the same question as that poor fool.  What in the world and all other dimensions did those babies do to get down there?  Mama demands that you give them too her, as she is very, very hungry and baby blood always makes her feel so young and fresh again, like a teenaged demoness.  Tell Mama what you’ve been up to, corrupting infants.

Love, Lilith

P.S.  Appie, I found some more of my good china that you broke when you were just a child.  If you don’t get me another set sometime soon, I’ll have Luci post your baby pictures.  I know you hate them.

P.P.S. I’m willing to talk about that video shoot, sweetheart!

________________________________________________

First off, I thought she'd called me apple.  And i wasn't the only one who broke the china either.  And Lucifer, if you post those baby pictures I'll fire any carpenters you hire to fix the hole in the wall.

Oh, and the videos...  Lucifer and I (well, mostly me really...) were talking to out dear mother about doing some videos for our blog posts.  Comment if you like this idea, or with things you want to hear Lilith (our mom) talking about.

And yes, our mother likes blood.  She likes to keep herself looking young, our dear demon mother.
And Lucifer, you need to answer our dear "Mama"'s question.  You corrupt the infants, not me.  And this fact, to be honest, has been confusing me for quite some time.

Goodbye to all the citizens of hell (and even those who aren't citizens).  Or should I say Badbye?  It sounds funny but it makes more sense.
~Apollyon

Hell it is... and I can't leave.

I hate cheerleaders.  And spaghetti.
Okay, I admit it.  That "Its A Small World " ride is a true hell.  Especially since I punched a hole in our kitchen wall.  I hate spaghetti and Lucifer knows that.  I was also in a bad mood.  The Cheerleader I mentioned on the 8th was a real brat.  No wonder she went to persistent PMS. It looked like it.  Anyway, she basically BSed me out when i went to see her.  And then Lucifer went and made Spaghetti for dinner.

Sorry about the hole, bro.  Get a carpenter.

On another hand: I paid a visit to Judas today.  He's getting ragged and slightly depressed.  I know its Hell and all, but I think I should give him a small break.  I know the devils aren't supposed to pity the souls down here, but Judas is my home boy.  I think I'll give him a few nights in Gehenna.

Oh, and Mom's coming over for Christmas.  I'm not really looking forward to this.  She's never really liked me much. :/

Martha and Mary Interview

            Here is an account of an interview I conducted between myself and Martha and Mary, two of JC’s close friends. This was, of course, a rare opportunity to get an opinion from the other side. I found their attitude quite strange, but make of it what you will.

o   Lucifer: Ladies, I must have you know that it is quite a pleasure to have you here, in my palace. I hope you enjoy the décor we prepared just for your sake.

o   Mary: you did this for us? That’s horrible! Why would you do such a thing! All those poor people… (Martha pats her back consolingly)

o   Lucifer: Oh, they weren’t doing much with their heads anyways, they were all in positions of government in the United States.

o   Martha: That is no excuse to use their heads as paving. That’s just inhumane and despicable. Of course, that’s only to be expected from Satan himself. (crosses herself)

o   Mary: (close to tears) Oh, what did we do to deserve this? I am so sorry Jesus, please forgive me for my sins!

o   Lucifer: Ladies, please. Al I want to do is ask you a few questions. That’s not so bad, is it? After all, it’s a chance to preach about your favorite person ever, that Jesus boy. I’ve heard you’re pretty big fangirls, after all.

o   Martha: We worship Jesus as the rightful Savior of the World. (Mary sniffs, smiles and nods)

o   Lucifer: Now, I want to know, what was it like to be some of JC’s few female friends? You must have felt quite special. Do you feel he treated you any differently than the other disciples? After all, you weren’t included in the final Twelve.

o   Martha: We were highly privileged to be so close to Jesus himself. Of course we were not part of the final Twelve disciples, we are women and can have little effect on the world. Those men were meant to spread the Word of God, and we were not in a position to do that in our time.

o   Lucifer: I suppose that’s understandable.

o   Mary: We love Jesus. He would never do anything to hurt us. He died for our sins!

o   Lucifer: Did you ever wonder if he was just a madman, obsessed with himself? I mean, obviously now you know that he is not, as you have lunch with him every day up there in happy-land, but did you ever wonder?

o   Mary: Of course not! I knew and believed in Jesus that first time I met him. He is God’s only son.

o   Martha: Well, when I first met him, I did doubt, but I quickly saw the error of my ways and begged for forgiveness.

o   Lucifer: So you just followed him in blindness? I suppose that’s what faith is, a leap without any guarantee that there will be ground underneath your feet when you land.

o   Martha: God was our guarantee

o   Lucifer: …I’m not entirely sure how that makes sense, but I’d like to bring up another issue. You say that Jesus is God’s only son, but aren’t all humans supposed to be God’s children? JC never explained this particular one to me.

o   Mary: We are all God’s children, created in his image, but Jesus is a part of God.

o   Lucifer: But… that’s what I just… oh, never mind.

o   Martha: Are you finished with this interrogation?

o   Lucifer: (sighing) I tried to keep it as civil as possible, but obviously your tastes are different than mine. I don’t know how I could ever see eye-to-eye with JC. His disciples are weird enough.

o   Mary: (beginning to cry) Oh, what did I do to deserve this torture? I want to go back to singing in Heaven!

o   Lucifer: (rolling eyes and beginning to look truly irritated) Alright, you can go back. Let me call JC. I’ll be glad to have you off my back…

o   Martha: (rubbing Mary’s back) Devil, I cannot believe that you have any communication with the Son of God. Your soul is as black as the sky in this horrible place.

o   Lucifer: Um, last time I checked, I have no soul. And I don’t know what are you blabbering about, of course I have to talk to JC, there are lots of tough cases where we have to work out where a person will go. Plus, God likes to have input on which torture level they go to. I don’t get that. I think he doesn’t quite understand the concept of a separate kingdom. I mean, I have enough to deal with without him trying to micromanage everything I do. It’s like he thinks I’m still one of his lackeys.

o   Mary: (straightening) I don’t need to listen to your blasphemy. Jesus will save me from this horrible place.

o   Lucifer: (into a bright red old-fashioned phone) Yeah, could you pick them up, they’re really starting to get on my nerves. It’s taking a lot of self-control not to add their heads to my new pavement.

o   Mary: (screeching) AEEEIIIIII!!!!

o   Martha: (muttering) Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name…

o   Lucifer: Oh, for sin’s sake, will you two just shut up?

After this point, I left the room. They were gone when a minion went into the room to clean it up twenty minutes later. I couldn’t have been more relieved.

--Lucifer

Bar-B-Q in Hell - Lots of Hot Sauce

Come one, come all! Join Lucifer and Apollyon at a bar-b-q this Friday, at the high-level eternal torture site, Nails On Chalkboard. Everyone is invited! There will be tons of hot sauce, to go with the brain burgers and human hot dogs. Most guests will be served.

--Lucifer

Nerds and Cheerleaders

I was bombarded by a physics nerd today.  Yes, a nerd.  This was one that was in the waiting room for a few years.  I know it seems silly to have a physics nerd in hell, but they can enforce a torture spectacularly.  They’re currently detained in a level designed specifically for them:  everything they knew in life is wrong.  Gravity doesn't exist and quantum physics doesn’t work right.  It’s a perfect hell for them. If they try to conduct an experiment, it always goes horribly wrong.  So if you feel the need to release some energy, just grab a nerd, lock them in one of our windowless rooms and ask a question about quantum physics or a complicated chemical something or other.  It’s beautiful to watch.

Unfortunately, they can be incredibly annoying, like the situation i was in this morning.  I was just walking around one of the paths in hell, and a nerd was passing by on his way to somewhere.  And he started talking to me.  That was hell, let me tell you.  I didn’t understand a thing he was talking about and yet I couldn’t get away.

It was Lucifer that saved me.  He paged me and told me to hurry to the waiting room because we’ve got a busload of cheerleaders coming in.

Cheerleaders- they’re not as perfect as you think.  I laugh at it, to be honest.  I was talking with one of them and it turns out that a busload of fifty of them had gone shooting off a cliff because they hit a patch of black ice.  Forty-five cheerleaders were standing in that waiting room, gossiping.  That either means that five of them were the angels everyone thinks, or they hadn’t died.  Personally, I am inclined to think the latter.

One of the girls, about seventeen years old, was watching me while I was hurrying around trying to sort the bratty girls out.  When I got over to the group she was standing with, I started watching her.  She seemed interesting enough.  She was seventeen, and I’ve been alive since “before time”.  But I’m timeless, too, and I look like I’m in my lower twenties, so who knows?

I’ll try and get her name and find where she’s going, at any rate.

Lucifer’s calling again.  He says its paperwork.  Yep, I live in Hell alright.

~Apollyon

Letter From Lilith

Here's a letter from our mother, the demoness Lilith.

Dear Sweetheart,

A blog? Really, darling, I'm so proud of you, incorporating technology into your job and all, especially after that incident way back when with Alexander Graham Bell. Poor man. Ah, well.

I quite appreciate your new, hopefully fresh, outlook on that 'Bible.' I'm getting very sick of all this new religious fervor. Although it's not as bad as that "Great Awakening" it is still disgusting.

I'd like to see more. Maybe you should take some of those more popular verses and look into them. There's so much to look into. Please get back to me on what you're planning here; Mama would love to help out! Maybe get one of those demons you keep in the filing room on these internets.

I'm so excited to see you develop this blog, baby. Keep it up!

Love and Kisses,

Lilith

P.S. Luci, keep your other half under control, please. He's such a...how do you say? Spaz. That's it.

P.P.S. Mama needs some new knives, sweetie. Just a subtle hint.

--Lucifer

It's a Small, Small World

My brother is truly intolerable. During one of his little temper tantrums, he punched a hole in our kitchen wall. I think he was angry about some fashion model dumping him or something. Unfortunately, being Apollyon, he punched the wall between our kitchen and the “It’s a Small World” torture chamber. Now, any time I just want a simple snack, I have to listen to that horribly friendly song, playing over and over and over and over… I really am in Hell.


--A Very Pissed Off Lucifer

Interview With Judas

            Here is an account of an interview I conducted between myself and Judas, the “Betrayer” in the whole crucifixion act. He is a personal friend of mine, and I wanted to make his position on the whole thing clear to the world.

o   Lucifer: So Judas, how did it feel to get the privilege of assisting the great JC in his final performance for the world?

o   Judas: Man, I’m just glad I didn’t have to do anything stupid like Peter, with that whole “denial” thing. Even he was a bit embarrassed about that. Also, it was nice to be able to finally acknowledge my true alliance, with you and Apollyon.

o   L: So what you’re saying is that you were really on our side the whole time, sort of like a spy behind enemy lines?

o   J: Yeah, although the way John wrote it in his gospel, he makes it sound like Jesus ordered me to go play my part, and suddenly I was on your side.

o   L: But that’s not really how it happened?

o   J: No, I was definitely waiting for my chance to betray him all the time. I found a few other nice opportunities, but when he told me to go off, I knew I was busted, and I figured that would be the best time out of any to betray him anyways, so I went ahead and did it.

o   L: Do you think any of the other disciples knew you were not on their side before the final dinner?

o   J: Hah, no way. They were all too goody-two-shoes to imagine that one of their own was a bad apple. Jesus figured it out, of course, but he took his own sweet time about it. What was really funny was that even when JC pointed me out during the dinner by giving me the “dipped morsel,” the other disciples still didn’t get it! They just sat around looking confused.

o   L: That’s hilarious! Well, thanks for sharing your side of the story. You are helping a great cause, fighting the war of attrition on the side of the devil.

o   J: It’s been my pleasure.

--Lucifer

Five Thousand Lunch

Today Apollyon and I are going to a fancy lunch in celebration of the anniversary of our “fall” to Hell. I am greatly anticipating this year’s lunch, because there is a theme of “5 thousand.” Thus, there will be five thousand courses to feed seven people: Me, Apollyon, Beelzebub, and two women that Apollyon invited. He has not yet told me who they are. The theme is a hellish interpretation of the miracle that Jesus performed of feeding five thousand with five loaves of bread and two fish. Instead, we are eating five thousand courses with three men and two women. After all, if Jesus can show off by stretching some food, why can’t we show off by over-consuming?

--Lucifer

A Letter from a Dear Old Friend

We got a letter from one of our dear old friends yesterday.  I find it amusing.  So I am positing it here.

Enjoy!  Or don't. I don't really care either way.

Apollyon and Lucifer,

My dear old friends, how is it in the upper levels?  I realize that what I did constitutes torture, but I’d like to see you two sometimes, alright?  After all, I think you owe me some attention.  After all, it was you that led me to my fall, wasn’t it?

Anyway, how about I get right to why I’m writing this letter, okay?

Oh Lazarus, I remember him.  Well, actually, I don’t.  But I was there when Jesus raised him, anyway.  Mary and Martha, Lazarus’s sisters basically begged Jesus to save their brother.  It was quite pitiful.  Jesus himself wept over Lazarus’s death.  I never understood crying.  IT was only ever a sign of weakness in my view.  But something did touch me that day, and I wondered if I was doing the right thing.  But you were in my head Lucifer, you had taken me in.  I was doing your word.  This is why you owe me some visits every once in a while.

Then Jesus went to Lazarus’s grave and called out to His Father, and then commanded Lazarus to rise.  There was silence, and then Lazarus walked out covered in burial rags.

   I did not know that he had been so close to entering hell.  To think that if I had somehow stalled Jesus for even another moment, Lazarus could be sitting with me at this moment, drinking some scalding coffee and watching the hell fire below us.  It makes me bitter, because I am so alone down here.  It is almost like solitary confinement.  Then again, those blasted Pharisees are here, and so is Pontis Pilate, but they’re not very good company.  Pilate sings in the shower, and he doesn’t sing well.  I’m getting nightmares.  They sit down her in their private quarters still praying to their god for forgiveness and to get them out of this place.  But I’ve read the signs, and this blog.  Heaven is as far away as “Forget About it” remember?  Internet is what’s keeping me going to be honest.

As a little wrap up: visit me!  You’re responsible for bringing me down here, considering that it was you that made me betray Jesus.  So visit every once in a while, okay?  Lucifer, try and be interesting when you come.  Apollyon, if you destroy my house I am going to get very angry.

               Hoping to see you soon, and bring some water will you?

~Judas

Words Words Words

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was in the beginning with" blah blah blah blah blah.
Its all just Words Words Words
HAMLET!

~Apollyon

P.S.  If you don't get the reference, come to Hell and find out! >:)

Letter From Jesus! Yeah. (Sarcasm)

So, here is the letter that I got from JC yesterday.  I can't stand him, but I'm posting it here because I said I would.  Remember, I asked JC why he didn't get along with the Pharisees.
Here you are, my not-so-lovely citizens of hell.
__________________________________________________________________________________

Apollyon, this is a silly question.  It’s not so much that I don’t get along with the Pharisees; it’s more the fact that they don’t understand the truth of the Word and they don’t believe in my coming.  However, they did sacrifice me and hang me on the cross.

But I still love them as my Father does and so I forgive them.  I have forgiven them for crucifying me, because in doing so they assisted me to have my Resurrection.  And this, as you know, awoke many others to the belief in myself and my Father.

I also was disappointed that they scared others into following my teachings publicly because otherwise they would be expelled from their synagogue as is explained in The Good News according to John in verse 42.

This is all I wish to say, because if I was to be honest, I do not dislike anyone.  I don’t get along with them because they do not get along with me and question the Word to often and live out their lives in hypocrisy.  They were two-faced and false.

Peace.

~JC- as you so aptly nicknamed me

My Date With an Angel

I know, I know.  Just the title gets me all riled up.  Stupid dating websites, they never work.  I use up one of my limited hell-leavings and it’s wasted on her.

Yes, I am limited to hell.  Apparently I wreak havoc every time I get out.  Lucifer takes care of our dealings with the outside world most of the time, and I stay behind to make sure we don’t get any escapees. 

On the escapees: we caught the group that got out a few days ago.  They were frantic and absolutely terrified of my flame thrower.  I love that thing.  Anyways, I’m not even sure where the idiots think they can run too.  We’re surrounded by a black hole of epic proportions and life and heaven are so far away.  In fact, Life is a ways past “It’s Too Late” and Heaven’s right around “Forget About It.”  Even the walk to the check in counter in the waiting room takes forever.  No, I just lied.  I tend to do that sometimes.  I’ll be down here for forever and I’ve been down here for eternity already: I’ve already made the journey hundreds of times.

Anyway, to get to the cute little coffee shop where I met the angel - I took little portal I made.

So there she was, sitting across from me and very bitter about the whole affair.  It was going downhill before she even opened her mouth.

“So what is your name again?”

“Apollyon.  Yours?”

“Angelica.  What do you do?  What’s your job?”

“I make sure that souls don’t escape from my country and I manage my workers who sort them where they go.”

“Where’s your country?”

“Hell.”

I proceeded to get lecture after lecture at this point about how I was a sinner.  If I even believed in sins, of course I would be.  I own the place where her big man sends the souls he doesn’t like because they’ve sinned really bad.

“You’re the one who caused all those poor women to be hung in Salem!  You captured their souls and they’re now rotting in hell!”

“You can’t rot in hell.  It’s too darn hot.  And those poor young women evaded me their entire lives, and they weren’t evading me exactly.  My brother, Lucifer, had the men who had the executed in his pocket since the men were tots.”

“Lies!  Blasphemy!”

“If you care about blasphemy, then I’m the biggest darn blasphemer there is, deal with it.”

There was another half hour or so of lecturing and she scared our pretty waitress away.  That waitress was gorgeous.  A date with her would have been better that a date with this white wonder any day.  Yes: I said white wonder.  That Angelica was getting brighter and brighter and whiter and whiter as her temper rose.

“Blasphemer!” she said for what had had to be the eight hundredth time, and I was done.

I’d gathered up a ball of hellfire© and launched it at her face, conjured a portal and disappeared before she’d even realized what had happened.

I hope I singed her hair.

Well, that was my not quite so eventful weekend.  How was yours?

How To Grow Vines! or something similar... I think

Jesus said “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine grower.”  If this is true, then I laugh at that vine and send one of my own to cut it down- the crucifixion you see.  Ah, revenge.  How lovely thou art!

How is it revenge you ask?  Well, you’ll remember all of those stories of how my minions and demons were driven out of their hosts: because of Jesus.  Everyone was perfectly content to just sit around and let my demons carry out my plans and their duties.  Well, the hosts didn’t really care, and they’re the ones that mattered.

And then that Jesus character just decided to show up and ruin our party.

On a different note:  those Pharisees.  Oh how I love to laugh at their idiocy.  HA.  There: I laughed at them.  And here it is again: HA.  Sorry, I am just so amused by their antics.  They say that they are “God Worshiping” men, and then they order the crucifixion of JC.  I have to admit that I am irritated that they stole my thunder.

Lucifer is reading over my shoulder now and has just commented that he was the one ordering the Pharisees about.

Thanks bro, and you have just made my eternity down here a little better.  Now I can go on ordering our pets about knowing that the Pharisees were unknowingly truly doing out bidding.

Oh the lovely, tasty irony of it all.

Now Luci has just told me that we’ve got some run away souls in level seven that need to be sorted out.  Time to get the flame thrower out again.

Jesus... lol.

             So I sent a letter up to Jesus a while ago, and I sent another to some of the Pharisees down here in my neck of the woods, asking why they didn’t get along.  I’m still waiting for answers back, but I’ll post them as soon as I get them.

             On a completely different note: we got a new level of Hell! Awesome right?  As of right now, its called Ice Cream.  Yes, we have ice cream in hell, but listen to this:  its close to the Hellfire© and right next to a boiler: so it is always melted.  That's a hell, right?

             Any ideas for new levels in hell?  Send us your ideas by email or comment below! :D

Letter From a Citizen

Here is a letter we received from an anonymous citizen:

Speaking as a citizen of Hell, I think you guys have really picked it up.  It used to just be the usual boring burning on forever blah blah blah, but now you guys have gotten creative. I’ve gotta say, the Crying Babies is a KILLER (figuratively of course, I’m already dead).  Kudos to you for thinking of that one. But I gotta ask, what did the babies do to get here?

Keep up the good, by which I mean terrible, work!

-A Proud Citizen

PS: could you turn up the elevator music a bit? It gotten too quiet

--Lucifer