About Us

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APOLLYON~ I'm the bitchy one. I like cookies, plotting against God, awesome parties. And don't forget the women... :D I'm stuck down in Hell because I misbehave if I get out. I'm the younger brother. LUCIFER-- I'm the logical one. I enjoy things that Apollyon doesn't. I also enjoy torturing helpless souls and spreading the Bad News. I'm the older brother, and the one that actually does all the work around here.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011


I never thought I'd have one, but I have a stalker.
How this is possible, I have no frickin idea.

I replied to an email, and she wont leave me alone.
I like this girl though. She's giving me pretty damn good ideas for new torture chambers we can add to the list for renovations.

But she DID want me to go shoe shopping with her.
I will not go shoe shopping.
No matter how much I want those demon-red dress shoes. ooo, those are nice.
forget I said anything. That never happened.
Understand me?

She's a bit obsessive, and rude. Like me. And I quote "you just got yourself into a shitload of trouble by responding to me."

I dont know what she thinks she's doing.
But I can't help but like her.

This gal's got sass.
She even offered to help me keep up-ground if I ever get out.
Although that would involve shoe shopping.

I'll consider it.

I need some wine.
Sometimes the drunken stupor is worth the wine's poor quality down here.
I don't get why Lucifer wont bring any from up-ground down here for us to enjoy.
That snot rag.

Have a Terribly Horrible Day,

Monday, August 1, 2011

Dear Felicity

Oh, dear felicity.
You thought you had me caught up and guarded didn't you? You thought you had me stuck down in Gehenna, working on the paperwork.
But you were wrong.

I've been sneaking "upstairs".
Japanese Earthquake and nuclear meltdown? Yeah, that was me.
And you thought you had me all figured out.

Oh, and I'm taking some souls up with me.
We like having the parties up there, dancing around in the fire and such.

So you suck it, bro.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Pardon my language, but

Suck it Apollyon. In making the post-number bet with me you made one very large, very grave mistake. You made the mistake of thinking that I care about my name.

I don't.

Many people seem to make a very large deal of having an embarrassing name. I do not. My mother may have always wanted a female child, and she may have given me a very feminine first name, but if anyone dares comment on it, I can easily put them in a room full of crying babies for all of eternity, fill their lungs with maggots, and stick them full of rusty steak knives that shove in deeper with every move they make.

So, without further ado, as per the conditions of our bet, dear brother, I announce my true first name to the world:


--Felicity Lucifer Abbadon

Friday, June 17, 2011

Amused by the Internets

I found this on the wonderful DBPB website.

Dear Satan,
When you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
Sincerely, heaven?

So I shall answer the question:
No we do not send them to heaven.  That'd be helping our dear frenemy upstiars now wouldn't it?
No, we send them either to the eternal Its A Small, Small, World ride or to the Hellfire©. It depends on if we just hate them, or if we never want to see them again, ever.

So, question asker on silly websites, does that answer your question?

P.S. Lucifer: guess what this means oh big brother? I've reached 20 posts. Mwahahahaha!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Suck it bro.

I feel compelled to say that I am winning.
Yes, me.
Apollyon Dracul Abaddon is winning.
For once in my effing life I am winning.
Want to know why I am winning?
I have 19 posts to your wimpy 11.

I can see your face now: your Apollyon-is-so-stupid-why-does-he-waste-his-energy-on-something-so-pointless look.
Well, shut up bro.
I don't need that right now.
Dear Mother is coming over tomorrow.
I am dead.
If I have to spend one minute being chided about my goatee I am going to punch an even bigger hole into our kitchen wall.  And you know what that means: "Its a small world after all, its a small world after all, its a small world after all, its a small, small, world!" mwahahahahaha.  Said hole will never be fixed.
For I will send all of the carpenters you call down to the Hellfire©

Yes, that is a threat.
Keep. Her. Away. From. Me.
She loves you after all and I am just the derpy tag along who gets left in amusement parks.
So, if you want to keep what's left of your sanity, keep dear mother away from me.

I'll say hi, and that's it.

Friday, June 10, 2011


I bet you all were so sad that there were no new posts from the devil brothers, eh?
Well, too bad.
the devils' got his own schedule to deal with, let alone managing this blog.
Its a whole lot more effing difficult than I'd expected.

What to say, what to say.

Oh, right.
Well, Lucifer finally managed to patch the whole in the wall between our kitchen and the "Its a Small World" level.

So no more soundtracks for our meals.
I was sort of beginning to enjoy it.  Actually, I was enjoying the look on Lucifer's face every time he walked into the kitchen.  The complete loss of sanity in his eyes.
In case you cant tell, my brother and I don't really get along.
Oh, and dear mumzy is coming to visit next week.

Shoot me now.
Oh wait, that wont help.
I'm already in hell.

Maybe I should just through myself into the Hellfire© and call it good.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentines Day.

The day of love, romance and kindness.

Blech.  This is not appreciated.

For one who is always alone, it is sad.
For one who is the essence of evil, sarcasm and abandonment it is pure agony.

It will all be over in 13 hours 15 min.
I can't wait.


P.S.  Also, pink is a hideous color.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Response to email!

I have gotten one email.
You know who you are.
Thank you.

Anyway, to respond to your quick question:
"What are the benefits of being elevated straight to demon status? I mean, you're still in hell right?"

Yes, you are still in Hell.  That doesn't change.
Even though I am the devil, I can't change that.
Here are the benefits to direct promotion to Demon Status:
First of all, you need to know that when you are first admitted to Hell, you are assigned to a level which you are not allowed to leave.

If you are promoted to Demon Status:
1. You are permitted to move between levels as you please. (Low Rank demons must request movement from Gehenna- High Rank move at will with periodic check ins)
2. A Private Suite in Gehenna.
3. The Right to Torture other citizens (Lower ranks must request- High Rank must give notice)
4. Private Invitations to Parties at Gehenna.
5. Management Position in a level.  Low Rank= assistant manager  High Rank= Manager
6. HIGH RANK ONLY- "Assignments" Upstairs.  By Authoritative Assignment Only.  

Saturday, February 5, 2011

I must advertise!

Okay, so here it is:

Lucifer and I are constantly checking our inbox for emails from you all.
This does not sit well with me at all.
I sit down here in this stuffy office, doing paperwork, and I always look forward to opening my inbox and checking to see if there is an email I can respond to.
And there never is.
This is disappointing.

I don't mean to sound threatening, but I am disappointed in all our citizens down here.
If you send me an email:
you get special privileges.
if you're not in Hell yet, I can promise you special treatment when you do.
You might even get to stay in Gehenna for a few days, or be promoted directly to Demon status. (which is a very good place to be).

So, in short.
Brighten my dark days, and send me an email.
I'll post it on here, or respond directly.

Damn it all.... I'm being nice.
See what you all have reduced me too!  I am turning more human every day I am sitting down here with nothing to do!

Let me give it another try:
If I do not start getting emails ASAP I'll find a way to make it upstairs: and that won't be a pretty picture.
Be prepared.
I should be receiving emails daily now.


Remember it.


Tuesday, January 25, 2011


The angels left a few days ago and i just worked up enough energy to write this.
Samandiriel pisses me off. If he joins our side, I don't know what I'm going to do.
I'm thinking murder, but I'm not sure if you can even murder an angel.  Maybe I can get Judas to help me.
I hate Sam's stupid imagination.  I think he really just wanted to try and convert us.
But i don't think The Big Guy enjoys him that much either- to much thinking.  And after all, imagination is a sin isn't it?
yeah.  I guess it is.
After all, i'm full of imagination right now.  Of how to get rid of Sam and how to fix the hole that is still in our kitchen.
Maybe i'll get Sam to fix the hole, then I'll push him through it and leave him forever stranded in Its A Small Small World.

I like that one.
I wonder what my dear old brother will think of this.  Or my mother.
We'll see.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Angelic Visitors

This Wednesday, January 12th, the Palace of Gehenna will be hosting a few angelic visitors, who were originally on my side in the Revolution. Obviously, they changed their minds in the end, but I hold some hope that we can remind them of their original convictions, back in the good old days, and persuade them to join us here in Hell. The five Angels joining us are Ezekiel, the Angel of death; Hayyel, the Angel of wild animals; Liwet, the Angel of inventions; Samandiriel, the Angel of imagination; and Tabbris, the Angel of self determination.
I have high hopes for Tabbris, as he was one of the last to leave my side for that of the good, and we still hold correspondence sometimes. In fact, it was a letter he sent me recently asking me about affairs in my Kingdom that inspired me to invite these Angels to visit Apollyon and I.
Of course, I include Apollyon only as a side courtesy. He never has had much to do with the politics of our Kingdom of Sin, he was always just in it for the fun and excitement. Thusly, he always just tagged along at the secret Rebel Angel meetings, and I am quite sure he was incapable of forming any sort of close relationship with any of our fellow Angels.


Sunday, January 2, 2011

Keep Talking

Just keep repeating that "better son" thing Lucifer while I'm trying not to listen.
You get such a kick out of rubbing that in, don't you?
All because mom forgot me in that amusement park when I was five.  And didn't want to come back to get me.
Thanks a lot.

I thought big brothers were supposed to be caring and supportive.  So much for that idea.

What a lovely beginning to the new year, old memories.

What a perfectly charming family I have.